Sunday, May 31, 2015

Here We Go Round The Lemon Tree

As my fellow Hispanic lovers will know, today we celebrate el Día Mundial del Limón Ibérico (“World Iberian Lemon Day”). To mark the occasion, I decided to read up on this fascinating topic and create a short quiz to see how many of my readers know their lemons from their oranges. OK, here we go! No googling, no wikiing, and no conferring...

True or False?

1. Contrary to popular belief, there are more orange-coloured than yellow-coloured lemons in the world.

2. It’s a closely-guarded secret that most lemons do not grow on trees but under the ground.

3. The largest lemon plantation in the world is owned by Californian citrus giant, Lemons R Us, and has an extension of over ten million hectares.

4. Truth be told, very few people have a clue how big one hectare is, let alone ten million.

5. Strictly speaking, the lemon should have been classified as a vegetable rather than as a fruit.

6. When Meat Loaf declared, “Life is a lemon and I want my money back!”, he was not actually speaking about fruit. (Or vegetables.)

7. Traditionally, el Día Mundial del Limón Ibérico is celebrated every year on the last Sunday of May.

So how did you fare? Give yourself 1 point for each correct answer...

1. False. The orange-coloured ones are called “oranges”.
2. False. You need to get out more!
3. False. What a load of baloney!
4. True. 1 hectare = 2.47 acres in case you were wondering. Hope that helps?
5. False. You’ll be telling me next that the tomato is really a fruit!
6. True. Meat loves his metaphors.
7. True. But only on this blog.

If you scored 7 points or more, you know all you need to know about the wonderful world of lemons. If you scored 6 points or less, try not to lose any sleep over it.

But what’s with all this lemon nonsense? I hear you asking. Well, you see, I had a rather strange dream the other night. I dreamt I was a lemon farmer, and the BBC had come to film me at work. I was happily harvesting my lemons with a tractor of sorts, though it looked more like a tank-cum-lawnmower, as I recall. 

Yellow bits flew all around me as I continued to harvest my treasured lemons with my lemon mower.

‘How much land have you got?’ the reporter asked me.

‘About eight million hectares,’ I replied. 

The following morning, I went to Wikipedia and was relieved to see that lemons still grow on trees. I was also impressed to discover that the size of my lemon farm was the equivalent of eight million rugby pitches. That’s slightly bigger than the Czech Republic and slightly less than Austria. Well, you get the idea. I was telling porkies, it would seem.

Nonetheless, several questions remain: Why was I dreaming about lemons in the first place? Why would I lie to the BBC? And why, oh why, is my dream world so much more fun than real life?

Thanks for reading J


‘Fancy a yellow?’

‘A yellow what?’

‘A yellow,’ said Nick, removing his Stetson to reveal an orange orange perched proudly on his hideous head. ‘You Earthlings call them “oranges”, I believe, but down here we like to call a spade a spade. Unless it’s a shovel, of course.’

‘But it’s orange.’ So what’s the difference between a spade and a shovel?

‘Argumentative sod, aren’t you? Next, you’ll be asking me what colour lemons are, won’t you?’

‘So what colour are lem—?’

‘Now, listen, Colin, this is your last chance, so think carefully: Would you like a yellow before or after I poke your eyes out?’

‘Er, before, please.’ It was one of the easier questions Colin had been asked today.

dayrealing, Chapter 43, “Sympathy For The Devil”


  1. Mike, you grow more insane by the minute.
    Well dodne, keep it up, mate.
    Hope you're well buddy ;)

    1. Cheers, Reggie! Coming from the King of Nuts himself, that's praise indeed :)
      Keeping well, thanks. You too, I hope?

  2. Mike you're nuts and I love ta xxx