Thursday, June 19, 2014


I have a new publisher!
When Tim Roux, my previous publisher, decided to call it a day at Taylor Street, I was extremely fortunate to be offered a contract with Thorstruck Press, “publishers of electrifying fiction”. And my book. Needless to say, I jumped at the opportunity, even if, according to Bill Bryson, “needless to say” is a naff phrase because it’s redundant. Needless to say, Bill’s wrong. It’s early days yet at Thorstruck, but it does feel great to be wanted and to be part of a happy family again.

I have a new cover for dayrealing!

Poppet, my colleague and editor at Thorstruck, has completely redesigned the cover for dayrealing. I think she’s done a superb job.  What do YOU think? My wife was seriously impressed; she says the goofy-looking guy on the cover is the spitting image of me. No comments.  By the way, Poppet tells me that dayrealing 2.0 will be up again soon on amazon “so that you don’t lose momentum with your sales”. You have to love her dry sense of humour, don’t you?

I have created an author’s page on Facebook!
Thorstruck threw in a beautiful Facebook banner with my new book cover, together  with instructions to “create an author’s page, or else”. So I did. That’s the easy part, of course. Now I have to build a fanbase. If by “fanbase”, we mean “at least one fan”, I guess I’ve got an outside chance of reaching my goal by Christmas. In the long term – say, by 2020? – I’d love my FB page to have as many followers as this blog. Six fans after five years is a depressing statistic, so I’ll console myself with that old cliché: It’s quality that counts, not quantity. [The hell it is! – Ed.] Anyway, Paul, Pragya, Jessica, John, Sudam and Peter: I salute you, and I thank you for not abandoning this ship. That said, am I right in supposing that  the real reason you’re still with me is that you could never figure out how to “unfollow” me?

I have created my first Facebook event!
I thought I should celebrate my new lease of life as a writer by giving away my back catalogue, namely, Spanglish for Impatient People 1 and 2; Spanglish for Impatient People Do-It -Yourself 1 and Do-It-Yourself 2; Spanish for Rhythmic People; English for Monosyllabic People; and fifty shades of Spain. So, if you happen to be reading this on Saturday 21st or Sunday 22nd June, if you missed my  30 previous giveaways over the last three years, if you have nothing better to do or download this weekend, if... Yes, I know that’s a lot of ifs, but if we couldn’t use “if” in our writing, we’d be in a right pickle, wouldn’t we? And here comes another... If, miracle of miracles, you’ve read one of these books and actually enjoyed it, I’d really appreciate a review and a few stars (minimum 4, please). Actually, come to think of it, I don’t care whether you read or enjoyed it; I just want those stars. Thank you! Needless to say – sorry, Bill –, there will be a prize for the best review.

I have opened a Twitter account!
To date I have avoided Twitter like the plague (I really can’t see the attraction), but my contract says I must “create a Twitter account,  or else”. OK, I’ll give it a bash. Here’s hoping I get to grips with the blasted thing more easily than I did with Facebook. Apparently, my “Twitter handle”, whatever that means, is @Other MikeChurch. I wanted @TheOneAndOnlyOtherMikeChurch, but spoilsports said my name was too long. So, not a very promising start, but let’s review the situation again in five years’ and/or tweets’ time, shall we?

In brief, exciting times here at “The Other Mike Church”. If you made it this far, thanks a million for reading. J

‘Hey, listen to this, Fred. It says here, “Marjory has poked you”.’
‘Oh yeah?’
‘Yeah. And now it’s asking me, “Would you like to poke her back?” ’
‘Poke her back? What’s wrong with her front?’
‘You what?’
‘Joke. Yeah, go for it. Er, who’s Marjory?’
‘Oh, just a friend.’
‘Where did you meet?’
‘On a forum.’
‘So, what you’re saying is she’s not really a friend at all, is she?’
‘Just because we’ve never actually met, that doesn’t mean we can’t be friends.’
‘So, what does this Marjory look like?’
‘She’s got straight black hair and a lovely smile.’
‘Is that it?’
‘That’s all I can see of her in the photo.’
‘And how old is she?’
‘You’re twice her age!’
‘So what? One and three-quarters, actually.’
‘And what does she do?’
‘She’s a writer.’
‘Another one?! Don’t you have any normal friends?’
‘Normal friends? People like you, for instance?’
‘Yeah. People like me. People like me a lot. So, how many friends have you got?’
‘Hang on . . . Four hundred and ninety-nine. Wow! I only had four hundred and eighty-eight last week. Would you like to be my five hundredth Facebook friend, Fred?’
‘Piss off.’

 fifty shades of Spain, 21, "A Friend To Me"

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