Wasted Time

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBBm7adNM8U&feature=related

I'm an expert time-waster. When I'm not working, shopping, cleaning, cooking, sleeping, driving or moving furniture, I'm usually to be found collapsed in my armchair, laptop on top of my lap, [come to think of it, it should really be called a “kneetop”], and thinking how best to waste the next couple of hours. Occasionally I write something worthwhile, but those occasions are few and far between. More often than not, I’ll end up reading the “Recent Deaths” pages on Wikipedia; strolling around towns I’ve never heard of in Google Earth’s “streetview”; re-reorganising for the umpteenth time my 100% legal “no pirates here, thank you” mp3 collection; or checking to see if the poor chap from Oldham who bought my silly Spanish phrasebook seven months ago has got round to posting a two-star review on amazon yet to say how useless he found his 79p purchase, and how he could make neither head nor tail of the plot. Yes, it’s an exciting life. Oh, and when all else fails, I always have my “Murraygrams” to play with…

Making anagrams in itself is surely a huge waste of brain cells, but to limit one’s efforts to making anagrams of songs by one of the world’s least known singer-songwriters is surely the most absurd undertaking ever, er, undertaken. So, without further ado, I present you with the following options:

·         Leave this blog before it’s too late and assuming you haven’t done so already

·         Listen to Say It Ain’t So, Joe, the greatest song ever written; original version, naturally

·         Read more about Ray Rumhead, the most criminally underrated singer-songwriter ever sungen

·         Read a completely useless list of 100 anagrams just for the hell of it

It’s your choice, but I know what I’d do. OK, here goes, but don't say I didn't warn you...

And now for something completely useless: 100 ‘Murraygrams’

Affair Across A Crowded Room	--->	Coward Corridor Safe As Foam
African Tourists	--->	Unfair To Racists
Alberta	--->	Late Bar
All Eyes Are On The West	--->	Lonely Sweetheart Sea
All The Way	--->	Hate Wally!
All We Can Do Is Hold On	--->	Sad Hill - Canoodle Now
Beds Are Burning	--->	Absurd Beginner
Can't You Hear Me Knocking	--->	Make Out On Angry Chicken
Caprice	--->	Cap Eric!
Catching Eddie At It	--->	Nit, Git, Acidhead, Etc.
C'est Fou	--->	UFO Sect
Chanteur de Jazz	--->	Jez Had Nut Craze
Cocaine Blues	--->	Ace Club Noise
Cocktail Molotov	--->	A Vomit Clock Tool
Corporation Corridors	--->	Porno Riot Or Acid Corrs?
Countryman	--->	My Acorn Nut
Crystal Heart	--->	Ratty Charles
Damned For All Time / Blood Money	--->	Lobotomy Made Me Fine Landlord
Darling 1944 (Un Été d'Orages)	--->	Gerald United 9441 Oranges!
Dearest Anne	--->	Tense Andrea
Diminishing Perspective	--->	The Indecisive Pimp Grins
Do I Love Her?	--->	Idle Hoover
Don't Forget Him Now	--->	Moron Ted Won Fight
Don't Have To	--->	Do That Oven!
Don't Sing No Sad Songs For Me	--->	Daft Moron Signs Ogden's Son
Douce France	--->	Cured Of Acne!
Dragonfly	--->	Flog Randy!
Dust In The Wind	--->	Did The Nuts Win?
Elle l'Attendra	--->	A Tell-Tale Nerd
Endgame	--->	Mad Gene
Envoie-Moi Vers Les Étoiles	--->	I Vote Senile, Servile Moose
Everything's Alright	--->	Harry Gives It Length
Fear And Ambition	--->	Mortified Banana
Frères de Sang	--->	Serf Grenades
Gimme Some Lovin'	--->	O Lemming Movies!
Hesitation Blues	--->	This Obtuse Alien
I Don't Care	--->	Dance Riot
I Don't Know Why I Love You	--->	Low View On Hooky Nudity
In The Heart Of You	--->	Hot Feather In You
Innocence	--->	Nicene Con?
Is That All There Is	--->	Last Irish Athlete
It's A Dream	--->	Mad Satire
It's So Hard Singing The Blues	--->	Lesbian Thugs Hid Son's Tiger
Joey's On Fire	--->	O Joy! Free Sin!
Judas' Death	--->	Adjust Head!
Just Enough	--->	June's Tough
La Cabane du Pêcheur	--->	Replace A Bad Eunuch
La Route à L'Envers	--->	Unreal Elevators
Lady I Could Serve You Well	--->	A Ludicrously Lovely Weed
Lana Turner	--->	Unreal Rant
Last Days Of An Empire	--->	Tone-Deaf Liars Zap Me
Latitudes Pour Lassitude	--->	Ultra-Stupid Lotus Disease
Le Temps Passe	--->	Pete's Samples
Le Temps S'en Fout	--->	Teflon Upsets Me
Little Bit Of Loving	--->	Bottle Vigil In Loft
Little One	--->	Toilet Len
Loin Demain	--->	I Nail Demon
Los Angeles	--->	Legs On Sale
Losing You	--->	Guys In Loo
Lost My Baby Tonight	--->	Tangibly Shy Bottom
Mademoiselle	--->	Male Melodies
Merano	--->	Moaner
Modern Boy	--->	Don Embryo
My Back Pages	--->	Packs May Beg
No Mystery	--->	Stormy Yen
Now And Forever	--->	Frown Over Dean
Ocean	--->	Canoe
Old Soho	--->	Loo Dosh
On Your Own Again	--->	A Young Raw Onion
One, Two, Three	--->	Wore No Teeth
One-Sided Love	--->	Even Dodos Lie
Pacing On The Station	--->	Cheating Saint On Pot
Peril In Venice	--->	Vile Recipe Inn
Picking Up The Pieces [Radio Edit]	--->	I Peep Up Git's Chicken [Dear Idiot]
Pity The Poor Consumer	--->	Hypocrites Mourn Poet
Prison Wall Blues	--->	Blair Sells Up Now
Quand Tu T'en Iras	--->	Quarantine Stud
Rainsong	--->	Sin Organ
River Deep, Mountain High	--->	Providing Healthier Menu
Rubbernecker	--->	Bruckner Beer
Secondhand Monday	--->	Noddy, Men And Chaos
Sedentary Nomad	--->	Dr Needs Anatomy
Seras-Tu Là ?	--->	Lust Areas
Shades Of The Prison House	--->	Hash, Heroin & Soft Dope - Uses
She Was Perfection	--->	Cheap Wine Forests
Silence Is A Strong Reply	--->	Priceless Learning Toys
Someday Soon	--->	Moody Season
Someone's Rocking My Dreamboat	--->	I'm A Crooked Bogey-Man's Monster
Sorry, I Love You	--->	Your Rosy Olive
Strange Thing Mystifying	--->	Thirty Gangs In Finest Gym
T'es Mon Secret	--->	Cement Stores
The Last Supper	--->	The Paper Sluts
Tournent Les Vents	--->	Nutter Sent Novels
What Am I To Be	--->	Obama The Wit
When I'm Yours	--->	Show My Urine?!
When They Found Eldorado	--->	Fly Due North, Woodenhead!
White Flag	--->	Gift Whale
Who Loves You	--->	Oh You Wolves!
With A Passion	--->	Who's A Pianist?
You Gotta Be	--->	Guy Ate Boot

By the way, if you can think of an even greater time-waster, I’d love to hear from you.