Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Sign Of The Times

Celebrated getting my CD player back yesterday (complete with poxy little car) by going for a spin in the country - sounds better than "driving like a maniac because I was late for my class" - and listening to my wonderful Roxy Music / Bryan Ferry compilation:
1.      Virginia Plain
2.      A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall
3.      The Tracks Of My Tears
4.      I Know How You Love Me
5.      Street Life
6.      Love Is The Drug
7.      Sign Of The Times
8.      Can't Let Go
9.      That's How Strong My Love Is
10.  Dance Away
11.  Angel Eyes
12.  Oh Yeah
13.  Same Old Scene
14.  My Only Love
15.  Over You
16.  Jealous Guy
17.  More Than This
18.  Avalon
19.  Slave To Love

Whenever I get to Sign Of The Times, I always remember Pat because it was one of her favourite songs at the time (1978). And also one of mine. Ditto Angels.
OK, time to get dressed. "Let's do it to them before they do it to us!" <- Hill Street Blues. I'm on episode 82 of 146. Please note that I am not advocating that you punch the first person you meet in the face.

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Are We In Trouble Now

(The song is pretty awful, so jump immediately to 3:44 for the most beautiful guitar solo you'll ever hear)

Here's another Mikiature:
Are We In Trouble Now

Upon a time once there was a man poor who had thoughts ordering his problems. More often than not, matter this didn’t. “Eggs, bacon and sausages, please”, “Bacon, sausages and eggs, please”, “Sausages, eggs and bacon, please”, “Please! Where are sodding my bacon, eggs and sausages?” . . . – what make did it difference? The result end was always the same: galore cholesterol.

            Numbers, however, were the life of his bane. According to his portpass, for example, he was 95 old years already, having born been in 1592. And his wife amused very wasn’t when he came from the supermarket back with 21 eggs and 42 loo rolls.

            Day one, his wife an ultimatum issued him with:
            ‘Of this Brian I’ve had enough! Get help or else.’
            What or else, darling?’ he asked, but she meant what he knew.
            So an appointment Brian made with his PG, for he loved the world more than anything else in his wife. Unfortunately, he up turned at 20:10 instead of 10:20.

That last Thursday was. Another appointment naturally they gave him: this Tuesday at 11:11 dot the on. Or was it next Thursday for? Eh well, learn and live, oh?


Saturday, May 7, 2011

Roll With It

Went for a roll up the mountain with my wonderful wife last night, together with a romantic candle-lit dinner.

I had a cheese, ham and red pepper roll; she had chorizo, eggs and chips. Halfway through our meal, there was a power-cut, and out came fork 'andles. Four candles, sorry. With apologies to The Two Ronnies for blatant plagiarism.

I've never known a place take so long to produce the bill, but neither of us was complaining. On the contrary, the surprise element made it quite a delightful evening.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Make Me Smile

Haven't been able to blog for a while; have had loads of probs with laptop, internet, not to mention this Yola blog itself, which is really difficult to write in. Anyway, plenty to smile about too, not least having agreed a publishing deal for dayrealing with my favourite man right now, Tim Roux of Night Publishing. I won't bore you with the details. Yet.
In the meantime, here's another Mikiature I wrote a couple of weeks ago. Haven't been able to record it yet:
Make Me Smile(from Mikiatures: 200 stories of 200 words in 200 minutes)
Once upon a time there was a lovely girl called Isa. When Isa smiled, she was also a beautiful girl but, more importantly, everybody around her smiled too. In fact, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that the entire happiness of the world depended on Isa’s smiling.
    Mick was naturally worried, therefore, when Isa walked into class and sat down without so much as a ‘Hello’. He soon saw what the problem was: a great big spot on Isa’s chin. Wishing Isa’s spot a short-lived life, Mick proceeded to tell Roald Dahl’s delightful tale about a very special girl called Matilda. Today, however, nobody seemed to be laughing.

Mick woke up the next morning with a throbbing pain at the end of his nose. Needless to say, the kids thought this was hilarious; especially Isa, whose spot had disappeared miraculously overnight. This reversal of fortunes inspired Mick’s Universal Spots Theory, which states that “the total number of spots in the world at any given moment is a constant”.
    So next time you wake up with an ugly spot on your hooter or wherever, remember that some poor soul elsewhere is celebrating that they have just lost theirs. And smile.