Saturday, May 15, 2010

Simply The Best

job applications, 1970s

Dear Mr. Benning,

I am a British citizen and willing to try my hand as Senior English Lecturer at your university, where I understand you have a few jobs going.

Unless I hear otherwise, I'll pop in for an informal chat next Tuesday morning sometime and we can finalise a few details, OK?

Best Wishes, etc.

job applications, 1980s

Dear Sirs,

I am writing to apply for the post of Part-Time EFL Tutor at your school, as advertised in The Times Education Supplement (02/04/84).

I have an RSA TEFL Certificate from No-Questions-Asked-Just-Send-Us-Your-Money-And-Make-It-Snappy Enterprises, and I once spent three weeks as a barman in a summer camp at Blackpool for overseas students visiting Britain.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours, etc.

job applications, 1990s

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am writing to apply for the post of Summer Vacation Temporary EFL Teacher at Cowboy International, as advertised in The Sun (23/03/94).

I have, in increasing order of difficulty, 23 boy scout badges, a 100-yard breaststroke certificate, an MBA in Business and Management Studies, 13 "O" Levels, 7 "A" Levels, a joint first-class BA. honours degree (Oxon.) in Modern Languages / Applied Linguistics, an RSA TEFL Certificate, an MA. in Third Language Acquisition Research, a PhD. in Implications for Fourth Language Acquisition Research, a Duke of Edinburgh Award for Services to British Industry, a knighthood for my part in the Falklands conflict, a Nobel Peace Prize, and an RSA TEFL Diploma (pass).

I have also published 62 EFL course books, 49 English dictionaries and 23 grammar reference books. I used to work as British Ambassador to the United States before moving on to the BBC where for the past 18 years I have been Director of Education. I feel now is the right time, however, to broaden my horizons and move on to pastures anew.

My present salary is £420,000 p.a. (net) plus perks, but I don't mind earning £2.50 per hour (gross) - as stated in your job profile - on the understanding that my position would be subject to review after 15 years.

I enclose a CV, together with a self-addressed envelope, for your convenience.

Yours faithfully, etc.

job applications, 2000s

Name: Sharon Starling
D.O.B.: N/A
Telephone: 636-734623 (Mobile) or 636-836521 (Baz's Mobile - Ask for "Shaz")
Qualifications: BA in Film Studies (2.2), Clapham Art College, 1996-1999
Previous Employment: Customer Care Manager at Blockbuster Videos, 1999-present
Special Interests: cinema, movies, films, videos, that sort of thing
Reason for Applying: I've always wanted to visit Spain. Where exactly is Kosovo, anyway?
References: On Request -> Please visit our site at for some nice pix!

job applications, 2010s

Got any jobs, mate?


  1. I wish I'd read this before my last job application, it seems I have been putting 1990's effort in when really I could be better spending my time on other activities!

    Thanks once again for another useful insight, I look forward to many more.

  2. Nice one MC!
    Keep going,
    Love it!
    The Stalker

  3. Thank you for your kind words, Lord Mickelous and Lady Stalker. Now please get back to your omelettes . . .

  4. 2010s =

    Angela D. Peters
    LinkedIn profile: